Updated: May 8
Like many people, I don’t think I’ve ever had this much free time in my life. Despite my complaining, I loved being busy. Not just busy, overworked. There’s for sure a toxic societal component to that, but personally, though exhausting, it also made me feel amazing. Feeling like I was doing things, accomplishing tasks, proving myself how great of a work ethic I had, built within me a superficial form of resilience. In being able to juggle multiple commitments, jobs and projects there was a sort of exhilaration, which honestly in the long run was in no way sustainable. In addition, it gave me absolutely no time to focus on my worries, insecurities and anxieties. I’m one of those people who likes to push personal problems aside until I absolutely have to deal with them so overpacking my schedule was a very effective, though not-so-healthy coping mechanism. Then when the world stopped last year, I had a break for the first time, with no end in sight. I’m not gonna lie, I loved it. I got to catch up on shows, spend a lot of time with my roommates, and venture around the city. Oddly, it felt like I was actually living for once. Two weeks soon turned into a month and then more, and that moment of breath was no longer a relief but a burden. I moved back home and resumed my dance program virtually; my schedule once again packed, though in a different way. Then in December I successfully completed my one year program, and for the first time ever had no set plan on how to move forward, nothing to pack my schedule with, my days completely open while everyone around me (my family) had plenty to do. I definitely hit a slump. I stopped working out, indulged in food, took less dance classes and despite trying, could not get anything creative made; no writing, no choreography, no improvising, just complete staleness. I got to a point where I realised my lack of motivation was very much out of character for me and needed to shift my mind set to move forward and feel more like myself. So I started eating better, making sure I exercised, started dancing a bit more and suddenly my creative juices started flowing.
I started playing with the idea of combining my blog, which i often use as a journal, with dance; perhaps using one to inform the other. Then one day, in the shower, where inspiration often strikes, as I was listening to my playlist of favorite songs, it hit me that I could use dance, or any visual medium for that matter (dance is what I use to process my emotions) to create a journal series in which I write about what’s going on in my head and then create a short piece of choreography to accompany it. Subconsciously I think attempting to make this a regular creation process (I’d like to commit to making this a weekly thing, but knowing myself I don’t think I’ll be able to stick to that promise) will also push me to get back into choreographing and using my imaginativeness. Depending on how this idea unfolds, this initiative could become something bigger than myself. Being humans and artists there is a lot that unites us, so I think it would be amazing to invite other artists and creators to share their own journal entries paired with a piece of art be it dance, music, photography, etc... Sharing these creations on one platform would create a communal virtual and safe space to share vulnerabilities, states of being, worries, triumphs and what have you through journaling and art.
So welcome, and thank you for joining me on this journey as this idea still brews in my head and as I’m deciding/discovering how and if this will work. Failure or success, let’s see what happens.